225 minutes

that's how long we spoke on the phone last night. almost 4 hours. i haven't laughed that much in a very long time. we could've kept talking all night. but we had work.. and i had to walk my freakin dog. he said he liked talking to me. we tired to say good night i think about 2 times but quickly got into other conversations. i think he's finally getting to see the "me" i was worried about him knowing.

he did say he still wasn't ready to go to my home... the parents being there or not. give him time he says.

things seem to be progressing nicely. i think he likes me as much as i like him? i'm still iffy on that cuz well i refuse to open my mouth and ask. cuz i'm still afraid of what he will say...but i'm confident that it won't be bad.. i'm confident that he likes me too.. :0)
hehe i'm giddy

First fight and birthday bliss

well not a fight... more like an argument. all because we don't know our boundaries yet. all because we haven't talked about what "this" is. all is well again so i don't know if i should retell the story here... leave it in the past? well the bottom line is that we made each other feel like nothing... he even said to me.. porque te reclamo si no soy nadie para ti. i was crushed.. and him telling me that made me feel like nothing. then later in the car we talk it out. it was strange how i didn't get all crazy and dramatic. i remained calm. he remained calm and we actually had a discussion about it. no screaming or hurtful words like i'm used to. no tears. it was a small misunderstanding/disagreement. but in the past with bigfatpoopiehead for example... small disagreements always became relationship altering wars. it was nice to actually be able to tell someone my feelings... listening to theirs and then be able to move on without hating each other a little more. i was nervous after the small tiff.. i didn't know if things would change between us. and they didn't.

so it's settled.. we are "dating/seeing" each other. We both know that things will progress. we spend every weekend with each other. it was his birthday this friday and we all met up at el Guitarista's house for dinner. ElDeLaPlumita made a lasagna. I met his daughter. she's beautiful. i spent a lot of time with her while her daddy cooked. and i got to see him get all paternal later on. he's great with her. and she adores her father. we all slept over... his daughter on the air bed and the two of us cuddling on the sofa.

next day we met up again to go to the batcave to celebrate with another group of his friends. we danced.. drank and went home exhausted. that didn't stop us from celebrating some more when we got home. needless to say i'm still tired.. and my body hurts... on sunday we went to target together. it felt comfy just spending sunday with him roaming my fav. store(it's my fav because when bigfatpoopiehead was sick my only means of escape was going there for a couple of hours.. my sanity is owed to target)

he dropped me off at home later on that night. i ran in to my house and got the food i had brought him from thanksgiving dinner at my brother's (he had never had Filipino food so i brought him some yummies) and brought down his presents (a book he had mentioned he wanted to read and a mobster dvd... see i pay attention). we talked again last night and we mentioned he loved my gifts and loved the food. we've been texting each other all day... have i said how much i like this kid??

no one should be alone on turkey day

but ElDeLaPlumita will be. the plans he had with a friend fell through. so he'll be going it solo this year. he explained to me that it's not the first thanksgiving or holiday that he has spent alone... and that makes me a little sad. i invited him to come to the poconos with me... not as my man or anything but as a friend so he wouldn't be alone. but he declined saying that he would feel uncomfortable and like an intruder. now look i'm not saying my family is normal in any way... but i know that he would be welcomed in my brother's home like an old friend. yes, my brother would probably embarrass me and maybe even him.. but that's just cuz he's an asshole. he's my brother so i can call him that.

he says he doens't want to meet my parents like that. ok... does that mean he does want to meet my parents?? he then said something like.. ur brother is gonna be like oh so ur the guy my sister is dating... ok.. that's gives a little definition to our situation. then when we were talking about something else he goes.."te digo esto como pana..." so now i'm his buddy?? arg he did bring up psycho boli which is getting a little annoying... i didn't like that guy all that much... i like ElDeLaPlumita!!!

mala warned me yesterday that the situation with his soon to be exwife is gonna be difficult. that i have to figure out if i can deal with that drama. so i guess i found an except. it sucks becuase this except is an outside problem that is affecting him. it's someone else's except that is getting in the way. can i deal with it? sure.. i've dealt with worse.. but do i want to? is it/he worth it? right now i would say yes cuz i'm all in that lovey dovey i like him so much phase. i guess it would help if i knew where his head was at... well... u know what i mean!!

so tomorrow while i'm enjoying filipino food and turkey with ecua stuffing... i'll be thinking of him. and i'll be wishing he was next to me at my brother's table. cuz no one should be alone on turkey day... *sarg

is four days in a row too much??

so let's go back in time to the weekend. we all know what happened after the ring ding thing.. i met up with ElDeLaPlumita and stayed over his place.. he drove me to work the next day... later that day we spoke. he was feeling crappy.. seems like i gave him my cold. so he wanted to stay in. i said ok.. thinking great i have to go to la kueva by my lonesome when he says... come over and spend time with me :0)...

so i make a quick pit stop at the liquor store and pick up some wine.. mmmm... and get to his place. he's cooking and we have a nice quiet dinner at home. we are both tired from our cold and from the antics of the night before.. and slowly begin to drift to sleep as we watch TV when his friend calls to go hang out. ok he says... we roll out of bed..i'm tired and tipsy from the wine.. he's just tired. we end up going bowling. now in my defense -- i havn't been bowling in years... i think the last time was... oh my god i can't even remember the last time.. needless to say i sucked ass. i freakin lost man!!!

but anyways after a quick game his friends decide to call it a night. arg... we were in bed already and they made us come out for one freakin game??? and to top it all off... we had to drive them home!!! que abuso. on the ride back to ElDeLaPlumita's house i had to keep the convo going cuz he was so tired. we talked about his exwife drama and his daughter and finally i complained about his friends.. i couldn't help it i was annoyed.

next day i leave around noonish... just to rest a little.. shower and get ready to go to the batcave. ElDeLaPlumita calls me and says he doens't know if he's gonna make it cuz he feels like crap and has a fever. i tell him well i'm gonna go for a little while. Missed Connections was playing and i wanted to meet up with el trompito and my excrush. so he says ok and goes back to bed. he calls me about an hour later while im in a cab and says he'll meet me there later.

he gets there and he's burning up. i try to keep him hydrated with cranberry juice and water but he feels crapy. he looked cute with his fresh haircut and stuff... but i knew he felt like shit. we were to stay just long enough to hear the band then go home. while waiting for the band to go on one of the chicks from the group (who now happens to be dating el argentino and she says he annoying as shit.. haha) asks him "is that ur girl?" refering to me.. and he says "yes"... "she's beautiful." "yep"... WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

my excrush gets there and introduces himself. he later tells me that i was all wifey with plumitaboy... that i seem very into him.. and that plumitaboy seemed like a nice guy... had a good aura about him. he also said that i didn't dance all close to him like i usually did and that he missed that.. oh well... ur loss not mine.. :0)

so the band plays... the BAND was great. and ElDeLaPlumita wants to leave. he asks me if i'm staying.. um what?? of course not... i'm leaving with u. so as we are saying our goodbye's the chick that asked if i was his girl says to me..."u have a really good guy there... and u guys look so good together.. i was like oh my god when i saw ur hand on his knee.. u are both very lucky"... um... yeah i know he's a good guy... that's why i LIKE HIM SO MUCH!!!

next day i go tutor in the afternoon straight from his place... and we meet yet again for the movies later on... after the movie i make my way back home.. after 4 nights of not sleeping there. my parents.. pissed but surprisingly quiet about the whole thing.

so four nights.. isn't that a little much for two people that are just dating/fucking?? i think so. so does this mean that he also wants something more than just the dating/fucking?? i dunno... and i havn't built up the nerve to ask or even to bring up the "relationship" conversation cuz i'm afraid i'm gonna hear something that i don't want to hear. something like what mala said in her comment... "we're good friends why mess it up"... so it was a great weekend. i'm gonna try to stop stressing this whole let's define what this is crap cuz it's getting in the way of my enjoying the time i am spending with him...so that's it no more stressing.. no more thinking.. no more analyzing.. just enjoy and see where it goes... damn it i hope it goes somewhere... damn.. i'm stressing again.. arg

California dreamin'

i had a great weekend... i hope all of u did too. I'll write about my weekend later on.. right now i have more important things on my mind... my best friend.

Mala went to cali on an all expense paid trip(i'm green with envy... or am i purple?? i don't really like green). she had a good time. I got a little worried when she didn't come back as scheduled, though. She's a very impulsive person and my first reaction was.. oh no.. she's not coming back. i guess that also had to do with how her sister told me she didn't come back... "she never came home and didn't call to tell us when she was coming". but she did come home. a day late but on cloud 9. and i was the first person she called...

when she first told me about her trip i knew she would fall in love with the west coast... much like i fell in love with san fran when i went earlier this year (my trip was also free... que suerte que tenemos). i knew that just like me she would start debating if the west coast wasn't a better option than the great but sometimes exhausting NYC life. NY is great but sometimes u just get tired. and i also knew that unlike me... she probably would move. she has the guts and the coraje to do it... and it's happening.

there are many factors that are holding her back. her family... which although they help her when they want hasn't really supported her decisions in life(career choices or personal choices). can she get a job there? of course. she's a brilliant chica. so that's a non issue in my book. her daughter... a super well adjusted child that will be able to blossom in any setting... as long as she has the support and love of her mother.. which she has. and she says all she has over there is el cubano... isn't that enough? he makes her feel good and safe. i havn't heard her say these things in well... ever. she's happy i can hear the smile on her face when i talk to her on the phone.

do i want her to go?? the week she was gone i missed her like crazy. checking every day if she had blogged or written me an email. calling like crazy they day she was due back home. and when i heard her voice friday night i felt relief... she's finally back...
but i want her to go. well at least i think she should go. she has a chance of doing something that will make her happy. maybe what she needs is a change of scene. to do something for her and her daughter. and if it doesn't work out??? well then she can always come back home.. because no matter where she is and how long she stays away.. NYC will always be her home. and her family and friends will always be here for her. so why not?? do it... be hapy... and cigarettes are so much cheaper in cali...

we'll always be friends. we havn't always been in the same state in the 14yrs we've been best girls. but just like NYC is home... we always come back... i'm home to her.. and she's home to me. i'll miss her and her daughter more than i care to imagine right now. but knowing that she's happy and well more than makes up for it.

so go mami... be happy. it's ur turn. finally.

exhaustion and once again a question

Yes i am super duper tired once again. I wasn't expecting to see ElDeLaPlumita yesterday but he texted me that he wanted to go to the movies. I had plans but promised to call him as soon as i was done. As i was going to leave to my ring thing shing ding.. he calls me asking if i needed a ride to whitestone.. um hell's yeah!
before we go to whitestone we go and get something to eat.. well he eats and i drink my wine cuz i had dinner already. he does force feed me some bites off his plate, though.. mmm seafood.

so i go to my ring thing.. it was nice. but i couldn't wait to get out of there to go see him again. My girlfriend was like.. damn u just saw him.. what' s the hurry.. so i stayed a while longer.. and stuffed my face with these really good chicken and spinach wraps.

*side note... someone is eating really good smelling spanish food here... and i haven't had breakfast and it's making my tummy growl!!!!! arg

so i finally make it to his place. and it's too late to go to the movies. and he makes me feel a bad that i didn't bring him his puertorican pasteles... or some spinach wraps.. ok.. i didn't really feel all that bad. and then we had that incredible exhaustion inducing sex. :0)

ok so here's my question. I really like this kid. and it seems that he likes me. so do i ask him where this is going? do i ask him to define what "this" is?? or do i just leave it alone and let things happen naturally? see the thing is we have sex every single time we see each other. but we also talk every single day.. text each other during the day and make plans to see each other on the weekend. this week i've stayed over at his place twice already and i'm sure i'll be staying over this saturday. so is this a sex thing or something more?? do i ask? or will that make him run away like so many other boys?? i should stay shut and enjoy no?? no?? arg

blogging for bloggings sake

so i have one.. count them one... faithful blog reader and he's complaining that i haven't blogged. didn't know u were really that interested.. really.

i had a day off yesterday. it was wonderful waking up at 11am instead of 5:30. It was great finally getting to clean my room.. i can now actually sit in my chair. it was good not having to rush to my tutoring job.. took my time. and it was good seeing ElDeLaPlumita after i finished teaching. I was a little surprised that he wanted to see me. we talk every day but hadn't seen each other during the week. he texted me during the day. my heart jumped every time my phone announced a new text from him. he called me as soon as he got home. asked me if i would come over. of course.

so after i finished teaching about rocks(really how do they expect 13 yr olds to stay interested in science if they teach them about the freakin rock cycle... let them crack open a fetal pig or a frog like i did in the 8th grade..) and after he dropped off his daughter i strolled into his house. I helped him make the bed.. thinking what's the point?? we're gonna mess it up soon anyways.

we watched a little bit of donnie brasco. he's all into mob movies... i'm not but donnie brasco is a good movie so i didn't mind. we talked, cuddled watched the movie then had incredible sex. it's been a while since i can honestly say i was exhausted after sex. exhausted but content. hmm.. content doesn't cut it.. super duper content??? lol

he asked me when was the first time i realized i liked him. i had never thought of that. i just liked him.. but i realized that it was on Halloween night. when was with my excrush at the bar and he came up for a drink. i said hi to him but neglected to introduce him to my excrush. i commented on his hair. he kept yelling for the bartender but the bartender ignored him. i thought it was so cute how he frantically called for the bartender so he could get his drink. I didn't see him for the rest of the night.. but that was the first night i saw him not as a friend of a friend but as something that i wanted. I asked him the same question... and he said the first night he met me.. two weeks before Halloween.

so i guess things are going well no?? i think he likes me and i like him. the sex is great if nothing else... but..i think i want something more.. no, i know i want something more.. we'll see what happens.

test stress and sleepiness

for months i have been preparing my student for the TACHS exam (Test for Admission into Catholic High Schools). She was nervous. I was stressed. her mother was stressing the hell out of me. friday night we were going to pamper her... destress her... didn't happen. maybe it was that her father started saying that she wouldn't be allowed to go to the school of her choice.. or maybe when her father and mother started screaming at each other in her room... i just don't think that hearing ur father call ur mother a fucking retard helps in any way to destress a child. but after i kicked her parents out of her room and we started watching her fav movie Mean Girls(hey she's 13) she slowly drifted off to sleep. and i slowly crept out of her room... and out of her house to meet up with ElDeLaPlumita.

he came to pick me up and we headed to his friend's house. there we hung out for a while with him cousins and friend's. i laughed at his old birthday video. we kissed and hugged in front of his friends... and i didn't say a word... we left his friend's and dropped everyone at home.. a drawback of having a car i guess(never had to drop anyone off taking the train) and ended up at his place.

at about 6am... fuck i have to go. i have to call a cab and rush back to my student's house so i can take her to the test. her mother thinking that i would never make it starts freakin out... she needs u to relax!!! i get there.. wake her up and get her breakfast. she's calm.. until she gets in the car and her mom starts freakin out. we aren't going to make it.. we'll be late.. we need to buy pencils... eat ur food... drink ur tea... i can't believe we're going to be late... finally i look at her and say... shut up. u need to relax so she can relax. it worked. we blasted the music and sang ... well i sang... they tried to sing :0) we get to the test site. get her to her room. settle her in.. and i give her her final pep talk. then i lick her face(hey it makes the kid laugh cuz she can't believe i actually lick her face... whatever works) 3 hours later we go back and get her. she comes out and gives me a hug.. i hate u. u made the practices so hard and the test was so easy!!! well yeah... i made them hard on a purpose.. so that she would find the test easy. we get into the car... i give her a gift -- one of those foam pillows in the shape of a cow... she names the cow after me. and surprisingly i'm not offended. we head back to the house and her mother are suprised that i can still function on no sleep. maybe it's the 4 cups of coffee i had... maybe it's the relief that she did well on the test... i mean i almost cried from the relief... i had been super stressed... i just didn't show it. i have this habit of keeping things till i explode... i mean i've been known to keep things bottled up for 8 yrs even...
but i did sleep in the afternoon... like 2 hours... then went shopping. in the middle of all this he calls... asking where i am. i thought u were gonna come back right away... i've been waiting. hehe

i bought stuff for ElDeLaPlumita's daughter... small hello kitty stuff... cute stuff... and then i think.. is it too soon? what if he thinks i'm rushing things?? then i think.. fuck it.. i wanna buy the kid something.. if it scares him well screw that... i'm gonna be me and do what i want, right?

i head out to the cave a little late... but i meet up with him and another group of friends that just came from el ecua... everyone is drinking.. i don't say a word... we leave a little early and end up at his place. next day we have to get up early cuz we have to drop off yet another friend... then i get driven home.

while i'm home.. i get a phone call from a one of the boys from the cave.. that a group of them.. including el ecuarockero are hanging and they want me to go over... yeah.. um no. i mention it to plumita and he says -- what kind of girl do they think u are?? arg... i hate to think that other people have the same opinion of me... i hate to think that psycho boli's words have reached people's ears... i politely say no the the boy. and he tells me i've changed. that i'm not the same girl they met. but i havn't changed. i'm still me. why do people think they know me cuz they've seen me hang out and dance and have fun? they don't know me... they don't. half hour later ecuarockero's friend calls me... ur so beautiful.. u should come over. ick.. no.. an hour later ecuarockero calls to apologize for his friend. he tells me that his friend took his phone and called without asking. then he apoligized for himself saying he had been an ass and that he hoped i could forgive him. sure.. but i'm sleeping right now..call me later... knowing that he would never call.. cuz that's his MO. plumita says to me.. damn u have them all going crazy. they all like u... too bad i'm only interested in one person...

but here's my question. why am i so shy around him? canvasfly says that it's cuz i'm afraid i'll scare him off with my real personality. but then... i don't want him to be all scared when i do show who i am. i'm a person that doens't take anything seriously.. if i see an old woman fall.. damn it i'll laugh. i'm not a quiet person.. in fact i'm quite loud. so why am i so afraid of showing him that side of me?? is it that i'm intimidated by his perfect spanish and the fact that i'm slowly forgetting mine?? no se. i have to get out of my shell... i have to show him who fea really is...

Nobody really wants to be single

So this friend of mine that seems to think paragraphs are important tells me this the other day while he's asking me about el de la plumita. he asks me how's my boyfriend... he's not my boyfriend.. and he says to me... c'mon. u know what u want... nobody really wants to be single... hmmm is there truth to that? have i just been saying "ooo single life" only cuz i don't want to face the fact that i'm alone? arg

I've spoken to feather boy (sounds a little kinky) everyday this week. yesterday i didn't call him to see if he would call me... u know to see if he wanted to talk to me... just to see if he liked me.. and he did. we spoke till 2 am. he told me about his psycho ex-wife. then he asked me if i was going to the batcave on friday... of course. i asked him are u going? si me invitas... bueno.. te invito. last week we met there.. this week he wants us to walk in together. i said what time do u want to meet? no... encontremonos antes para ir juntos. oh my god is this like a real date?? i havn't had a real date since midget boy. and then he says are u going to the batcave on saturday? i say probably.. and he says.. let's do something else so we don't do the same thing 2 days in a row... another date? :0) it feels nice having solid plans for the weekend with someone u really want to spend time with. so far with this kid i have found no excepts. and believe me i'm looking.

so i don't think i really want to be single. i mean all this meeting guys and "making friends" isn't it really just all looking for someone to spend time with and maybe it'll turn into something else?? otherwise... we would try to be alone, no?? i mean really alone. but that's not the case. maybe i just didn't want to be with those other guys... maybe i just didn't really like them and was forcing something and that's why i was so adverse to the relationship thing. it terrified me for a different reason than why i'm afraid now. i was afraid before cuz i didn' want to let my freedom go... wanted to date other people.. cuz i wasn't really feeling these guys. now i'm afraid that i'm gonna get hurt. cuz i really like this kid. yep... i like him. and i want something more than just friendship and casual sex with him... now if only i knew he felt the same way.

i guess it could be worse

it's no secret that i HATE my job. i know hate is a strong word but actually it fits so damn well. i hate that it's so freakin far from my house. i hate that i have to tutor every night and i don't get home till 12am so i only get like 4 hours sleep. i hate that my boss thinks it's cute that he makes me want to throw up everytime he gets too close or says something inappropriate.... i hate this place so much that i don't think i've gotten through a week without calling out at least once.

*side note.. the starburst that i'm eating right now tastes like shit... that's not a flavor is it???

ok so on tuesday i tutor till late as usual... i'm about to call a cab when my friend/boss says to me.. oh no we'll drop u off. great i save $20. great, right? wrong. after making me wait like 3 hours they finally say to me.. we can't drop u off.. just sleep over and leave to the office from here.. arg. fine i sleep over. next day... dropping off the kids at school... my friend/boss says... stay the day with me. ok sure.. i'll work from ur house. should be fine... well i did nothing all day. we went for breakfast... got our nails done... went for lunch... baked a cake. and... i'm getting paid for it. not bad huh? so yeah i guess it could be worse... i still can't wait to get the fuck out of here though.. damn it's only 12... 4 more hours to go... *sarg...

el de la plumita

so u have one guess what i did this weekend... yes ur right!!! i went to the batcave once again. i went solo this time cuz mala was coughing up a lung.. literally. i was a little apprehensive about going because it was going to be the first time i was going alone since psycho boli went... well psycho on me. i wasn't sure how the people would receive me. but it was pretty good. i hung out with all the other ecuas... there are a lot of them there damn it.
I specifically hung out with this one ecua... we'll call him el de la plumita for now cuz well it was something he said and that's how i have him in my cell phone.

so i spent my time at la kueva with le de la plumita. it was nice. he bought me drinks, we danced and afterwards a group of us went to his place to hang out... including el ecuarockero which proved to be a little uncomfy... especially when after i went to sleep in el de la plumita's room came in and forcibly tired to make me leave with him. i told him that there was nothing between us especailly after the info he gave me at the tertulia... he was upset. El de la plumita came back into the room and ecuarockero didn't have a choice but to leave me there with him. but that didn't stop him from calling me every 5 minutes on my phone.. or calling me to the living room through the door. i finally got up from my slumber and went out there.. again he started with the how can u do this to me... how can i do this to him? this is a guy that after the first night that i thought we had a connection would ignore me every chance he got. he would only talk to me after he was drunk and then never call me the next day. nothing ever happened between us... and he was talking about how he thought i was the one... yeah whatever.. what is it with these bandy types?? do they all have problems?

so after the drama with the rockero... all the guys woke up. el de la plumita's cousins kept calling me prima ... and i beat the crap out of the little one.. don't they know they can't mess with the brooklyn girl?? lol
we all went out to eat.. ecua food of course, que mas? then i had to get to work and el de la plumita drove me. nice not to have to bus and train it to bayside... so nice...

saturday night... went back to the batcave. again i didn't know what to expect since i was going alone. but it turned out ok . of course the same people were there. como siempre... at first el de la plumita didn't come up to me... but then he came around and sat next to me.. put his arms around me. kissed me in front of everyone. it felt nice... *sarg one of the other guys actually came up to him and congratulated him... lol... cuz i'm a prize to be won or something... afterwards we all went to his place again.. this time like 14 of us.. including el ecuarockero and psycho boli. i didn't really care my attention was on him. everyone left and i spent the night again. next morning i left in the afternoon. worried.

why am i worried... well cuz i don't want to like anyone... and i think i like this kid. worried because i know myself and when i start liking someone.. watch out!! so i'm being cautious. well at least i'm trying to be. i don't know what he wants and i sure as hell don't know what i want. that's the reason for the sarg... it's why i'm all giddy and unhappy all at once. i wish i knew what i wanted... *sarg

last night.. we spoke on the phone for hours. he makes me laugh. it feels nice... well shouldn't it?? no?? ay no se... what am i looking for???

she couldn't stay away

mala couldn't that is... she came out to the tertulia last night even though she felt like shit. she had to say something about the fucked up election and damn it that girl threw together one real tight poem in less than an hour. she was a hit... with most people anyways... and once again.. she was happy that she came out... damn it she should listen to me more often.

it was a fun night. at first i thought my cute waiter had lost interest but then saw that i was wrong. hehe.. he's so geeky i love it. the other boys that i had invited didn't show.. well one did but only stayed long enough to buy me a drink. he's a sweetheart. but he's one of those perfect except guys so NEXT! oh and the thing with el ecuarockero is definitly off... for good. not only is the guy a flake but he's into things that are just way too much for me to handle. my addictions are strictly alcohol and shopping... and i like it that way. so he's off the list as well.

i did meet a nice guy. well i met him that last time i was at d'antigua but i couldn't remember his name. and i felt bad asking him cuz i had spoken to him on the phone a couple of times this week and hadn't asked him... how was i supposed to be like... so we've chatted on the phone and i don't even know ur name!!! but mala once again saved my ass... since she hadn't met him she just asked him... whew... but NoNameBoy is nice. seems sweet. and he took care of me this morning when i woke up with the worst hang over. i havn't found an except for him yet... well he hasn't called me tonight... but then again i left his place at around 2pm... so i guess that isn't an except.. i'll find one though... i always do.

for some reason the sound guy started talking to me and mala about sex. that was all the man talked about. we've chatted with him before since he does the sound for both d'antigua and la kueva.. but the man was out of control.. at one point mala sqeezed my leg and i just smiled. then he found someone's thong on his equipment.. lol...

but fun was had by all... mala took a few jabs at me with the whole last week drama... and i'm sure everyone was suprised to see us together after last week... but that's just how we are. through thick and thin.. through mistakes and bad judgements... mala is there for me and i'm there for her. and i'm waiting for her to make it big so she can feed me... i mean really why else would i stay friends with her for so long?? i'm waiting for the payoff.. anyday now.. anyday

sad sad day...

it's a sad day today... for two reasons...
one.. kerry conceded to bush... *sarg... now i have 39 reasons to get the fuck out of this place. what happened? i mean really what happened? can someone explain to me how this could happen? i feel so... lost and confused... *sarg... sad sad day

two... mala is sick. sick enough that she won't be able to tertuliar today. i hoping that she'll feel well enough later on to at least come out for a drink. that always makes people feel better... really it does.. not the drinking but at least the hearing of our other friends performing and stuff. just the ambiente of the place u know?
but i'll be there ... thinking of her and how much more fun i'd be having if she was with me... feel better mami..

but come support the other poets and artists tonight:

D'antigua
can't remember the exact address and i'm too lazy to look it up.. but it's on Northern Blvd bet. 84th and 85th streets. starts at 9:30... see ya there!!!

wasn't meant to be

so i've been trying to write a blog entry all day but something happens and i end up losing it... so i guess it's not meant to be huh? maybe i shouldn't force it?

the blog entry was about how i was sad that i'm not talking to psycho boliviano anymore. and how i've realized that i always end up with these possessive guys... why? well mala in her infinite wisdom says to me.. well because that just makes it easier for u to let them make all the decisions and that takes away any liablitiy u may feel if something goes wrong. hmmm... YES!

but anyways.. even though i know that psycho boli (i'm tired of spelling out the whole nationality so from now on it will be boli) is not the right man for me...(there must have been something seriously lacking in him if i didn't jump at the chance to be with him... oh yeah.. SANITY) and i know that he really didn't care all that much for me cuz if he did he would never have called me a whore... i still miss the fucker. i miss the friendship. before we were a thing we were friends... and it was good to have someone that was fun to talk to and shit. i'm more upset that he rejected the friendship that i offered him more than anything else. oh yeah and he called me a whore.

so is it that i don't want a relationship? why is it that i want to be alone.. and yet want to be with somone like that? someone who wants to know what i'm doing at every minute.. who i'm with.. and says horrible things when he doesn't get his way?is it for the security? and sadly i'm not just talking about psycho boli... fat poopie head was like that too.. midget.. well he wouldn't say horrible things to me... he would just break up with me over and over again.

all i know is that this perfect but shit has to stop. no more he was perfect when i met him but now i've been with him for 8 yrs... no more he's so cute and fun but has a woman in another country... no more he's perfect if only he weren't insane... damn it we deserve perfect. no more exceptions. no more. women like us shouldn't have to settle. and i'm not going to...
so no, that other blog entry where i was gonna be all sad and all oh i miss him wasn't meant to be... i'm looking for perfect and u weren't it.

now about my freakin cafe tacuba cd. i realized that my cd of my favorite band may be CURSED... and i'm not being dramatic.. ok maybe a little. but it just so happens that the day i listened to it at midget's house was the day he dumped my ass for the last time.. and i also played it at psycho boli's house the day i decided that my friendship was more important... thing is that it also always gets left behind. so now boli has my fav. cd.. and i want it back. it's my favorite cd. maybe i should use it's powers to get rid of the other perfect but guys that i'm currently talking to... hmm.. yes i must harness the power of the cd...

oo did u vote yet? sorry i know this entry is all over the place... but.. did u vote yet? did ya? well did ya? arg