wasn't meant to be

so i've been trying to write a blog entry all day but something happens and i end up losing it... so i guess it's not meant to be huh? maybe i shouldn't force it?

the blog entry was about how i was sad that i'm not talking to psycho boliviano anymore. and how i've realized that i always end up with these possessive guys... why? well mala in her infinite wisdom says to me.. well because that just makes it easier for u to let them make all the decisions and that takes away any liablitiy u may feel if something goes wrong. hmmm... YES!

but anyways.. even though i know that psycho boli (i'm tired of spelling out the whole nationality so from now on it will be boli) is not the right man for me...(there must have been something seriously lacking in him if i didn't jump at the chance to be with him... oh yeah.. SANITY) and i know that he really didn't care all that much for me cuz if he did he would never have called me a whore... i still miss the fucker. i miss the friendship. before we were a thing we were friends... and it was good to have someone that was fun to talk to and shit. i'm more upset that he rejected the friendship that i offered him more than anything else. oh yeah and he called me a whore.

so is it that i don't want a relationship? why is it that i want to be alone.. and yet want to be with somone like that? someone who wants to know what i'm doing at every minute.. who i'm with.. and says horrible things when he doesn't get his way?is it for the security? and sadly i'm not just talking about psycho boli... fat poopie head was like that too.. midget.. well he wouldn't say horrible things to me... he would just break up with me over and over again.

all i know is that this perfect but shit has to stop. no more he was perfect when i met him but now i've been with him for 8 yrs... no more he's so cute and fun but has a woman in another country... no more he's perfect if only he weren't insane... damn it we deserve perfect. no more exceptions. no more. women like us shouldn't have to settle. and i'm not going to...
so no, that other blog entry where i was gonna be all sad and all oh i miss him wasn't meant to be... i'm looking for perfect and u weren't it.

now about my freakin cafe tacuba cd. i realized that my cd of my favorite band may be CURSED... and i'm not being dramatic.. ok maybe a little. but it just so happens that the day i listened to it at midget's house was the day he dumped my ass for the last time.. and i also played it at psycho boli's house the day i decided that my friendship was more important... thing is that it also always gets left behind. so now boli has my fav. cd.. and i want it back. it's my favorite cd. maybe i should use it's powers to get rid of the other perfect but guys that i'm currently talking to... hmm.. yes i must harness the power of the cd...

oo did u vote yet? sorry i know this entry is all over the place... but.. did u vote yet? did ya? well did ya? arg