perfect... except

that i hurt my best friend. it was supposed to be a night for us to forget our problems for a while... it was supposed to be but it turned into this big dramatic thing. El boliviano showed up and i knew there was going to be trouble. I've been talking to him constantly for the last couple of weeks. He's smart, talented and funny. He's a great guy... except that he went for my best girl first. they slept together. that should automatically make me not want him right? but i do. i like him.
so he's there. he's hugging me and kissing me in front of her.. and i tell him he should leave. i tell him that i need to be with my girl. that this wasn't helping the situation. he said he would leave... but he didn't. and she left. and i let her walk away. so i get pissed at him. and i tell him to leave. actaully scream at him to leave... and he does. so now i'm sitting at the bar alone. and i'm sad and i feel alone. and all i want is my best friend. but i let her walk away.
he came back. to pay his tab. and then we talked. and i left with him. I spent the night at his place. talking. sleeping... listening to music. i didn't sleep with him. it was perfect... except that i kept thinking about how i hurt my best friend. she's the world to me. she's the only one i can count on always. and i like to think she counts on me as well. but i let her down yesterday. i was selfish. and i'm sorry. i don't know how else to say how sorry i am.
he just called. and i said to him... this isn't going to work between us. i hurt my friend and i can't do this to her. she's first in my life... for 14 years she's been first in my life. she always will be.
so yes i like him and i'm stepping back. I hope i can keep him as a friend because he's a great guy... it could have been perfect... except that nothing ever is.