worst and best of 2004

i could write ad nauseum about how my mother is driving me crazy... (she wants me to be happy but on her terms... she actually said that to me!)... but since i want to keep things nice and light for the new year i'm gonna jump on the bandwagon and make a list of my worst and best moments of 2004.... cuz i want to be just like mala.. don't u know that by now???

Best new discovery of 2004:
La kueva... why??? made new friends... met my current love there and moved my culo like it was the last day on earth...

Worst discovery of 2004:
Midgets... stay away from them i swear!!!

Best musical find of 2004:
La Oreja de Van Gogh.... i'm killing the live cd i have.. then seeing them live in concert... oh wait.. then there was cafe tacuba... saw them live too.. and they were unreal... sorry oreja.. cafe tacuba wins.... QUE VIVA MEXICO!!!!

Best vacation of 2004:
Well the only one i had but i fell in love with San Fran earlier this year... much thanks to my best bud canvasfly for providing the tix and lodging...

Best Compliment of 2004:
No te falta nada como mujer... that was said by the ecuarockero's best friend

Best fight of 2004:
Memorial day when all hell broke loose at my casa... fighting with mala... then with my parents.. then having the midget leave and break up with me(the first time)... not sleeping and going straight to work.. then realizing i left my keys at home and having to break into the house...

Worst fight of 2004:
Fighting with mala over the psycho boli... it wasn't worth it.

Best love interest:
El de la Plumita... i'm falling in love with this boy. although i have to find a new name for him cuz he doesn't like this one... have i mentioned how happy this boy makes me??

Worst love interest:
It's between the midget and the psycho boli.
Midget boy broke up with me about 4 times... and made me all crazy again with the self esteem crap...
Psycho boli called me a whore when i decided i didn't want to be with him...
I call it a tie.. they are both dicks

Best epiphany:
Realizing that i was happy alone. that i didn't need a man to validate me or complete me...
funny how about 2 weeks later i met plumitaboy... aint't that the shit??

Worst epiphany:
can an epiphany be bad?? i don't think so... i think anytime u realize something about urself or anything it's something good... i guess something i realized that i didn't like was that i stayed with someone for 8 years and i didn't love him... it said a lot about me... it made me change the way i think about certain things... see... it wasn't bad at all.. sad but not bad..

funniest moment:
falling on my face on the BLVD of DEATH... my knees will never be the same... and i really never want to see the street that close up again... how one friend so eloquently put it... me parti la jeta... lol

Sadest moment:
Learning that my best friend is moving to California... and telling her it was a good idea. i couldn've been the selfish friend and told her to stay... but i couldn't... because this could be the best thing that has happened to her... it's hard to let go, but i have to.

And for the new year....
Happiness... for me and everyone i love. Que dios los bendiga en este nuevo a~no. Que todos sus deseos se hagan realidad... Thanks for spending time in my corner... i'll see all three of u next year... arg :0)

meet the parents

i'm still sick so i dont' know how much sense this entry will make... i fell like shit that has been trampled on by a marathon of runners... mmm yummy..

so on wednesday after work i'm home on my couch... feeling miserable. when my beau calls me. he asks how i'm doing and what i'm taking.. taking?? nothing. i'm coming with meds and juice he says. so i mention to my mother that he's coming to drop stuff off and she says "is he coming in?" i say no cuz ur here... ask him to come in... i'll be nice.. sure sure

so he comes in after i assure him he'll be safe from the ogre (my mom.. yes i know it's not nice to call my mom that... but really u don't know her like i do). he comes in and i introduce... and she gives him the classic scowl... really i assure him she does that to everyone(she does). so he's uncomfy but still is cuddly with me... when she's not around. we watch my fav movie vanilla sky and everything is cool....

he's about to leave. he's trying to make sure he leaves before my dad comes home.. one parent a night is enough .... but as he's leaving guess who's coming up my walkway?? i introduce and my dad doesn't even shake his hand. later my father tries to tell me he didn't realize or something... sure sure...

so it went well....yes it did. i expected my parents to be much worse... of course to him it went terrible. but i don't think it could've gone any better with those two. now instead of calling him that man or whatever.. they say tu enamorado... see... baby steps... baby steps

i finally did get that sushi... and it was with my man... too bad i couldn't really taste it... arg

nose boogies and dioxyn

so i'm sick. i mean really sick. this is what happens when u refuse to take medicines. when u think ur immune system is strong enough to fight the illness off without the help of drugs. now i wish i had those drugs.. lots and lots of them. it's not so much the cold that has me all icky. it's also the allergy i had to god knows what.... the allergy was so bad i looked like i had a party with some dioxyn... fo'real.

my mother called me a puta this weekend. then she apologized this morning. she seems to be accepting the fact that i have a boyfriend now. or she's just getting ready for the insults for next week when i spend the weekend at his place. who knows... not getting my hopes up. u never can tell with my mother.

xmas and new year's is coming up... too bad i have to work on both days. i really need to get rid of one of my jobs... is 3 too much?? and if u think it is... will u pay my bills??

havn't been to la kueva in about 2 weeks. think i'm gonna go this week cuz i need to shake some booty... unless i'm coughing up a lung still.. if so then i'll be cuddling with my beau.

made me dinner last night. made me tea. drove me around. doesn't want me to get any sicker. still thought i was beautiful even with the dioxyn face. sigh...

my head is foggy. it's all loopy and i feel like i have straw in my throat. nice dry straw that makes me cough and my chest hurt like hell...

havn't smoked in more than a week. i need a cig... but my chest may cry.. and then seek vengence on me... damn chest.

still have to do xmas shopping. but it's so very cold out there... is it too late to order everything online??

threw out all the pics of bigfatpoopie head. cut him out of the ones i looked especailly yummy in. maybe i'll make a collage of yummy pics of myself...

all i wanna do is eat some sushi... just eat sushi.. that'll make me feel better.. eat sushi with my man..is that too much to ask...

arg... *cough cough

when the cats away

my mother is in PA taking care of my nephew. that means a week that i don't have to hear the nagging... the criticism... the accusations. it's nice. it also means an opportunity for my boy to come over to my house.

monday night i make him dinner. but he's a nervous wreck that my father will come home and be pissed that he's there. he says to me.. i understand why ur parents are so aprehensive about u dating people. u've been through a lot with ur past boyfriends. so let's wait for them to get used to the idea and then i'll meet them. he asked a lot of questions about bigfatpoopiehead. wanted to make sure that i was over him (been over that fuck for a while). he asked me why i still had pictures of him... then said to me... si algun dia eres me esposa, u have to get rid of those. algun dia is a long ways from now... but it made me start thinking.. why do i have pics of the breasted one?? he asked me what i wanted from a guy. and i said i want to be happy. he asks me that's it?? that's it i say? that's a lot. what about respect and love and those things?? if i don't have those things.. then i won't be happy... happiness is dependent on all those things.. so that's what i want.. to be happy.

tuesday he picked me up from my tutoring job. my boss/girlfriend made him come inside so she could show off her shiney brand new house. my girl has a habit of showing off and flaunting her money in people's faces. he handled her nicely. didn't give her a chance to start her "this is italian marble... venetian plaster'... he even told her how to care for some of the stuff. he shut her up... it was brilliant. lol

he took me home.. i cooked dinner for my father and then left. we went back to his small apartment when he asked me si lo queria... i said yes. estas enamorada de mi?? si... do i make u happy? yes... i'm happy too... yo tambien te quiero.

he drove me to work this morning. i don't think i'm seeing him today... who knows. he doens't want me to get sick of him. right now i can't get enough of him. i'm happy...

happy birfday

Happy birthday to my cousin and faithful reader. ur 27 now.. time to grow up kid. love u and all that jazz... ur a pain in my ass pero que se puede hacer?? we're related... have a good one.
muah :0)

so i hear ur dating someone...

so it begins. my mother telling everyone i'm dating a boy... and putting her spin on the situation before i get a chance to show him off. u know telling everyone all his drawbacks before they have a chance to find out for themselves. to create an impression.. a bad one so that i find myself alone .. on the "wrong" side. she's done this before. she did this when i started dating midget boy. told everyone how he was an indio from the mountains of ecuador... serrano... not good enough for this city girl. so yes she's trying to do it again.

my aunt called me yesterday out of the blue. I used to be much closer to her when i lived down the block and still to this day when something big happens she's the first to call... to get the gossip. she means well. and i enjoy talking to her. but i found it a little strange that she called me yesterday cuz i had no gossip to share. so after about 15 minutes of how are yous and how's the family... she finally asks... so ur dating someone? i laugh. oh so that's why u called me?? no no i missed u.. sure. yes i am dating someone. he's ecua from el guayas and he's nice and things are going well. she asks for his last name.. as final proof that he's really a city boy... and i give it to her. and she says to me(and this is why i love her) well... at least he's ecua... u cant' stay single forever like ur mother wants u to.

why is it that she wants me to be single? why is it that every boy i bring home or start seeing she finds something wrong with them??? with this boy she hates the fact that he's divorcing and has a child(she asked me straight out and i wasn't going to lie even though it's none of her business). she says... ya ha tenido fracaso... que esperas de el?? hello... ur the same woman that tells ME ya has tenido fracaso... que mas quieres??? so having a failed relationship takes away all my right to try to be happy. to try to find something that will work. NO!!! i'm not going to become one of those bitter women that hate all men and will stay single living with 21 cats... unless i don't find anyone worth it... unless i'm meant to be alone.. but that doesn't mean i'm just gonna roll over and die... not even try.

on that note... update on the whole where is this shit going thing. we are in a "relationship" but because he has baby mama drama he wants us to be careful because he cares about me so much he doens't want me to get hurt. so we are in a "relationship"... does that mean i'm his "girl" and he's my "man"?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? arg... lol

the first arg...

ok so our first fight made me go arg for about 2 seconds but this is a real arg...

yesterday we spent a nice evening together.. i bought him sushi.. the first dinner i've bought him. i bought him medicine and when i tell him i have to leave he says... no please stay with me.. i dont' want u to leave and u don't want to leave either. ok so i stay... next morning he drives me to work. everything is fine and dandy.. he texts me maybe an hour after i'm here to ask how i am. he tells me he'll pick me up later. i say ok.

i get a call from my girl/boss that she needs me to tutor her teenage sone today. no prob... gives me a bit extra money for xmas... so i text him telling him i have to work today. he texts me back..."then go".

ok maybe i'm overly sensitive.. but it seemed to me he was just brushing me off.. como si le daba lo mismo verme o no... right? so i tell him... "i thought u were gonna pick me up. U sound like u are brushing me off." he has a habit of doing this. of making me feel like seeing me or not seeing me makes no difference to him. that 's one of the reasons that i'm so insecure about this whole thing. Does he like me as much as i like him? or does it make no difference to him.

he callled... and he was pissed. why do u say i'm brushing u off? he asks. he sound incredibly sexy when he speaks to me in english but i heard the anger in his voice. i'm not brushing u off.. u have to understand that i'm working and i have to write fast. i tell him that the text made me feel that way and i must have misunderstood. he tells me that it's texting... feelings cannot be conveyed. he understands that i have responsibilities to my students and just wanted to tell me that is was fine for me to go.. and as far as him picking me up... if he said he would then he would. he then says that i made him feel like i thought he was treating me like shit. he then goes on to say... i'm making time for u during the week. i'm not seeing and don't want to see anybody else... before u i didn't want to be with anyone. so i'm not brushing u off. let's not make problems where there are none.

ok so he's not brushing me off. but... that doesnt' change the fact that it's how he made me feel. so i tell him that i'm not trying to say he treats me like shit.. on the contrary.. he treats me very well... but... at that instant i did feel "brushed off". he didn't mean it that way and that's fine thanks for the clarification... pero... it's not the first time. he has this thing that he wants to make sure i know that i'm free to do what i want... that's great.. but sometimes a girl wants to hear the dissappointment ya know??? maybe i'm over sensitive cuz i'm not sure of his feelings... but damn it, it was how i felt. and i'm not gonna stop telling him how it feels when he says stuff like that. i refuse to keep it inside... so AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGG