one year

its been a year since my last post. there was a time i used to update my blog daily. i had a lot to say. i was going through something that was new to me. claiming my independence maybe? or maybe i just like people knowing every ramdom thought that went through my brain. some people may say that i was depressed during that time that i wrote those things for attention that jumping from one guy to the next was my way of being validated. i was trying to fill the void left by a failed relationship.

so by that logic since i write one a year it means i must be happy now. no longer need the validation or attention.

truth?

im miserable. and i'm hiding the misery by keeping everything to myself. my marriage is on the verge of collapse. i have no real friendships outside of the few cousins i visit. i stay home on weekends only getting out of bed to take my bella to ballet, feed her and do the laundry.

i'm struggling to make ends meet money wise. my tiny wages are being garnished to repay college loans... im paying off a degree i never actually finished. i'm broke most of the time.

my father - who is my rock- is ill and needs another biopsy. it breaks my heart to see someone so good and strong be in so much pain. i can't picture my life without him.

i've decided to write about this because, well, it's eating me up inside. my life is coming undone... how's that for an attention grabber?