we talked... i don't feel that much better.

well i do feel better as far as i got what i had to say out. and he promised to listen more and take for granted less. and i promised to stop doubting his feelings for me. but then he said something that bothered me. bothered me in the way that i got a little weepy... cuz i'm a dork?

see he said that right now he has no plans of marrying. which is great cuz i don't want to marry him either.. i mean we've only been together a handful of months... but i do want to get married eventually.

ok so let's start with the conversation and how it turned into a marriage talk. we were watching miss universe and i was crossstitching and he was trying to learn... we were having a good time and i realized what our problem was. it wasn't that we don't get along because we do and we have lots of stuff in common and he's almost as crazy as i am. he makes me laugh to the point of peeing. our problem is communication... and even bigger problem is that we have the same short temper.

so while we are watching the news and he's horrified about the little girl that stabbed her best friend to death i turn to him and say... u know i love you right?? (perfect setting i know) he says of course baby. and i tell him i know u love me too. i think our problem is that... and then he interrupts. that u think i don't love u right?? already i'm irritated.. so i check the temper and say.. no our problem is that we don't listen to each other.. wait let me finish. we don't listen to each other. we jump and lash out at each other before we let the other one finish their point. we can't say anthing to each other without it turning into a thing and if we keep doing this then we are just going to end up resenting each other. he said i was right and that he would listen to me... i felt good. we had a conversation and we got somewhere. woohoo!!!

then he says... can i ask u to do something for me?? i say sure... stop saying and telling everyone that ur never going to get married. stop saying things like with your next girlfriend or when we aren't together because that really pisses me off. ok i say. then he says... i dont have any plans of getting married fea...ever. it's the farthest thing from my mind.. but it's like u say that stuff to bother me... but i can't make any promises. i'm being honest with you. i care about u and i want to be with u.

the conversation lasted a long time. i don't remember everything that was said. i do remember that i told him that i didn't want to get married yet. and he said that he ddin't know if he wanted to get married ever. he said that we should just take things slow and see where this takes us.. who knows...

so i'm upset because even though i don't want to get married now i do want to get married eventually. so am i just wasting my time with this guy? i mean.. is what he said all that bad?? he was just being honest.

mala asks me well how did the convo end. it ended while i was getting ready to sleep and he noticed that i was upset. he held me and said.. fea i love you and i want to be with you... please don't be upset... but i am. he loves me and wants to be with me.. is that enough?

they just don't get it

and by they i mean the people in my life. i've come to the realization that no one really knows or understands me. and i guess that's just fine since i've decided to stop trying.

yesterday my mother went on a rant quickly followed by a rave about my life and blah blah blah. i admit that i have a very short fuse. i get annoyed very easily(which is seriously making me reconsider the whole being a mom someday thing). I know that my mother and i will never get along. especially since she refuses to understand that i'm all grown up now. if i make mistakes they are mine... all mine. she questions my choice men, life, food and just about everything. a little fight over somethiing as dumb as a freakin puzzle(fo real we started arguing about a freakin mickey mouse puzzle) turned into a huge fight about well just about everything.

fucked up thing is that i can't do anything about it. i dont' have a job right now so i'm stuck at home till i can afford a place. so... i'm just gonna give up.

then there is my beau. he's a good boyfriend don't get me wrong... but he just doesn't get me. i admit i'm a little clingy and i get annoyed very easily... but damnit think a little. summer is his busy season at work. so he's been working pretty much 7 days a week which means that we hardly go outside. wednesday was the first time we go out in a while... and that was cuz his buddy was here. see where i'm going with this?? yesterday he tells me that his friends are going to six flags and i should go.. i say that's just weird if i go without u and am just with a bunch of ur friends so no i would rather go when u go... fine he says. he just called me... from six flags. i've asked him to take a day off of work so we could do something.. no he says.. work is too important... but his friends said c'mon just don't go to work and it was all good. see where this went?? so i'm pissy. he thinks i'm being crazy. i think he doens't think. he thinks i'm pissed cuz i didn't go... i'm bothered because it just seems like i'm not up there on his list of priorities.

and then he says... we see eachother everyday what more do u want?? well for starters i don't need to see him everyday if all he's gonna do is sit and watch tv. yesterday i asked him if he was gonna talk to me and he said he was too tired... seeing eachother isn't literally looking at one another. so we've decided to not see eachother during the week. which is just fine...

i dont' want to be number one.. but i don't want to be the after thought either which is what it feels like right now. he's taking me for granted already i feel. is that asking for too much?? am i being crazy and unreasonable??

but i guess it's cuz i forget that i'm simply a girlfriend. so i'm just gonna give up. he'll never understand why i'm upset because he never takes time out to actually listen to me. so i'll be simply the chick he sees on the weekends and has sex with... but like i said.. i have a short fuse... i get easily annoyed(which is seriously making me reconsider the whole being with him thing)...

the comeback

yesterday... after a 6 month absense... mala and i went TERTULIANDO!!!

My beau's friend from college is here for the week and he wanted to go out but something low key... i suggested d'antigua. and although my beau was a little hesitant about going because of the possiblity that we'll run into people he doen'st like and people that i would kill on sight, he decided that it would be low key enough. I of course called mala right away and secured transportation for her. she came with a brand new piece just in case.

of course when we get there everyone was all oh my god i can't believe u guys are back this is great give us ur emails and blah blah blah. mala thought she wouldn't be asked to read but considering that she's the best performer they have of course they let her read.

funny thing. mala and i are crazy. and when we are together we are crazier. i was a little toned down cuz my man was next to me but mala was herself. she had my beau's friend fumbling for words. she freaked him out so much that he didn't know what to do with himself. it was the funniest thing i had seen in a very long time.

it was nice seeing old friends. it was nice going out again with my girl and my beau. and we did see that ecuarockero that we hate. and he said hello to everyone except me. which was just fine... freakin liar. i hate rockeros..

well here's to tertuliando and hoping that i do it again in two weeks...

wedding day bliss... or when did i become a bitch part 2

so yesterday was the long awaited for wedding day of my oldest friend. Bean and i met in preschool... we were 3. we went to the same grammar school, jr HS and HS.

she's the first one of our group to get married and mala and i were super duper excited.. then she didn't invite our boyfriends... then we were insulted blah blah blah.

so we licked our wounds and went to the wedding. after all she's my oldest friend. and she is one of the only people that i still talk to from back in the day... so mala and i treked to bklyn for the mass. all dressed in our sunday best and with our china chanclas on so our footsies didn't hurt.

the ceremony was very odd. first off they put the wrong time on the invite so people would make it on time. which pissed me off cuz for once i actaully was on time which meant we had to wait. then we saw bean come down the aisle with her mom and dad. she looked so beautiful.

and now i'm not in the mood to write about the wedding anymore.. i'm sure mala will so u can check her blog out. i don't know what happened just wasnt' feeling the writing about the wedding. it was nice.. we had fun... still pissed about the no boyfriend thing cuz her co workers had dates with them.. ew.

anyways. i think i found a job which is good cuz i'm in desperate need of some cash.. the bills are just piling up.

hmm... maybe tomorrow i'll be in the mood to write.. maybenot... give me money and we'll talk.
:0)

My favorite commercial

there isn't much going on right now.. still out of work and bored most of the day... so let me tell u about my favorite commercial..

It's the ingles en espanol commercial... it's so freakin funny.
a veces se escribe sometimes pero se pronuncia somtaims
aguila se escribe eagle pero se pronuncia igol

i want to get the book just to have a good laugh. I mean the commercial is already providing laughs in between caso cerrado and laura...

wow i just realized i watch way too much tv.

happy cinco de mayo...