we talked... i don't feel that much better.

well i do feel better as far as i got what i had to say out. and he promised to listen more and take for granted less. and i promised to stop doubting his feelings for me. but then he said something that bothered me. bothered me in the way that i got a little weepy... cuz i'm a dork?

see he said that right now he has no plans of marrying. which is great cuz i don't want to marry him either.. i mean we've only been together a handful of months... but i do want to get married eventually.

ok so let's start with the conversation and how it turned into a marriage talk. we were watching miss universe and i was crossstitching and he was trying to learn... we were having a good time and i realized what our problem was. it wasn't that we don't get along because we do and we have lots of stuff in common and he's almost as crazy as i am. he makes me laugh to the point of peeing. our problem is communication... and even bigger problem is that we have the same short temper.

so while we are watching the news and he's horrified about the little girl that stabbed her best friend to death i turn to him and say... u know i love you right?? (perfect setting i know) he says of course baby. and i tell him i know u love me too. i think our problem is that... and then he interrupts. that u think i don't love u right?? already i'm irritated.. so i check the temper and say.. no our problem is that we don't listen to each other.. wait let me finish. we don't listen to each other. we jump and lash out at each other before we let the other one finish their point. we can't say anthing to each other without it turning into a thing and if we keep doing this then we are just going to end up resenting each other. he said i was right and that he would listen to me... i felt good. we had a conversation and we got somewhere. woohoo!!!

then he says... can i ask u to do something for me?? i say sure... stop saying and telling everyone that ur never going to get married. stop saying things like with your next girlfriend or when we aren't together because that really pisses me off. ok i say. then he says... i dont have any plans of getting married fea...ever. it's the farthest thing from my mind.. but it's like u say that stuff to bother me... but i can't make any promises. i'm being honest with you. i care about u and i want to be with u.

the conversation lasted a long time. i don't remember everything that was said. i do remember that i told him that i didn't want to get married yet. and he said that he ddin't know if he wanted to get married ever. he said that we should just take things slow and see where this takes us.. who knows...

so i'm upset because even though i don't want to get married now i do want to get married eventually. so am i just wasting my time with this guy? i mean.. is what he said all that bad?? he was just being honest.

mala asks me well how did the convo end. it ended while i was getting ready to sleep and he noticed that i was upset. he held me and said.. fea i love you and i want to be with you... please don't be upset... but i am. he loves me and wants to be with me.. is that enough?