spotless minds revisited

a couple of months ago i wrote a blog entry about the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and how it made me feel... i saw the movie again yesterday at my beau's house and what the fuck was i thinking back then?

maybe it also has to do with the fact that i saw the midget on sunday on the escalators of the 7 train with his new chica. how i started laughing when he turned pale as a ghost when he noticed that i saw him and was going to say hello... and i didn't because although i was tempted to be all overly friendly in front of his girl i didn't think it was worth it. because he wasn't worth it.

see i thought that i was heartbroken cuz he dumped me... but what i was upset about wasn't that he dumped me.. just that i got dumped. i fell in love with the idea of being in love... even though i created something in my head that wasn't really there... it could've been anyone... i would have still been weepy and all please let's try again even though i know we are doomed.

maybe it's cuz i'm with someone new and i'm positive about the way he feels about me. maybe it's cuz things seem to be going forward instead of backwards... maybe because i'm at a point where i want to be with him specifically and not just anyone. and maybe it's because i came to my senses that it's not ok what the midget did... and no matter how nice it was to be with someone the bad things matter too... just as much as the good. and i shouldn't have to settle for a couple of good moments when our whole relationship was just one bad thing.

so it's ok to say ok when it's worth it.. and the midget wasn't... but i am.. cuz i'm cool.. :0)