La Maricusa
that was my grandma's nickname. don't ask me why. i have never gotten the answer to that question. that's just what they called her.
she was one of the oldest in a family of 6 sisters and two brothers. she was born in 1914. she married and had two daughters. her husband's family never really accepted her because they thought the minute amount of italian blood running through their veins was too good for her. my grandfather left her to go to the merchant marines. he left her poor with two daughters to raise. he never sent money. he made a new family in panama. his daughters had to live in bad conditions with cousins and aunts. sleep on floors in packed apartments. my grandmother had to work hard just to get butter so they could have something with their morning bread. then he came back. and she took him back. his daughters resented him. my grandmother did not. they were together again and she loved him.
her daughters married. one came to the US and the other stayed behind. my mother worked on my grandparents papers and brought them to live in our brooklyn apartment. my grandmother cooked and cared for us and was a nanny to some of our neighbors. she always had a smile for everyone. but please don't interrupt her novelas or her praying. then the projectile chancla would shoot out with perfect aim no matter how fast u ran. at times my brothers and i would do it on purpose just to see her chancla cut corners. she knew and would laugh.
my grandparents eventually moved back to el ecua and lived with my aunt. we got to see them every summer. then less and less as we got older. i hadn't seen her in 6 years.
about a year ago she was diagnosed with lung cancer. my grandfather was a smoker. we never told her what she had. because we knew it would destory her. she was too old to undergo treatment and was just made comfortable. she never lost her will to live.
two weeks ago i made a trip to ecuador. a trip i didn't want to make. i had to say goodbye to my grandmother. when she saw me she started crying. she couldn't believe i was there. she was so thin.
she still insisted on going to the bathroom and would not hear of wearing diapers. we would wake up at find her already sitting on the couch on some mornings. one morning we found her downstairs in full makeup -- just in case someone came by. she noticed everything. when family would come to visit she would recognize everyone and give my aunt a dirty look if she wasn't quick enough to offer drink or food.
then all the sudden. she couldn't get up anymore. we called the doctor and he said it would be soon. we all tried to hide our tears and told her she was going to be fine. her main concern was that she was being too much trouble and apologized to me for ruining my vacation. she would scream at times.."no mama todavia no".
we called a priest and told her he was a doctor so she wouldn't get scared. although she couldn't hear she knew who he was. she told us she was terrified. when she learned the doctor really was coming she told my mom to brush her silver hair and put perfume on her. that night she named everyone in our family. all of us... she said she didn't want to forget anyone. she named people she hadn't seen in years. she didn't miss anyone.
before bed that night as i was saying goodnight to her she said to me.."dios te bendiga mi'jita". those were her last words to me. the next day she slipped into a coma. she took off her oxygen as she slept.
as i prepared to get on my flight i cried. i didn't want to see her like that anymore but it felt wrong to leave. when i left i went to my grandmother and kissed her on her forehead. i swear she tried to open her eyes.
when i got home my dad tells me that my maricusa died as my plane was taking off. she died in my mother's arms.
she was a good woman. always happy and with unshakable faith. she loved all of her family unconditionally and never held a grudge against anyone. she was so proud of us all. i hope i can be half the woman she was.
i miss her.
she was one of the oldest in a family of 6 sisters and two brothers. she was born in 1914. she married and had two daughters. her husband's family never really accepted her because they thought the minute amount of italian blood running through their veins was too good for her. my grandfather left her to go to the merchant marines. he left her poor with two daughters to raise. he never sent money. he made a new family in panama. his daughters had to live in bad conditions with cousins and aunts. sleep on floors in packed apartments. my grandmother had to work hard just to get butter so they could have something with their morning bread. then he came back. and she took him back. his daughters resented him. my grandmother did not. they were together again and she loved him.
her daughters married. one came to the US and the other stayed behind. my mother worked on my grandparents papers and brought them to live in our brooklyn apartment. my grandmother cooked and cared for us and was a nanny to some of our neighbors. she always had a smile for everyone. but please don't interrupt her novelas or her praying. then the projectile chancla would shoot out with perfect aim no matter how fast u ran. at times my brothers and i would do it on purpose just to see her chancla cut corners. she knew and would laugh.
my grandparents eventually moved back to el ecua and lived with my aunt. we got to see them every summer. then less and less as we got older. i hadn't seen her in 6 years.
about a year ago she was diagnosed with lung cancer. my grandfather was a smoker. we never told her what she had. because we knew it would destory her. she was too old to undergo treatment and was just made comfortable. she never lost her will to live.
two weeks ago i made a trip to ecuador. a trip i didn't want to make. i had to say goodbye to my grandmother. when she saw me she started crying. she couldn't believe i was there. she was so thin.
she still insisted on going to the bathroom and would not hear of wearing diapers. we would wake up at find her already sitting on the couch on some mornings. one morning we found her downstairs in full makeup -- just in case someone came by. she noticed everything. when family would come to visit she would recognize everyone and give my aunt a dirty look if she wasn't quick enough to offer drink or food.
then all the sudden. she couldn't get up anymore. we called the doctor and he said it would be soon. we all tried to hide our tears and told her she was going to be fine. her main concern was that she was being too much trouble and apologized to me for ruining my vacation. she would scream at times.."no mama todavia no".
we called a priest and told her he was a doctor so she wouldn't get scared. although she couldn't hear she knew who he was. she told us she was terrified. when she learned the doctor really was coming she told my mom to brush her silver hair and put perfume on her. that night she named everyone in our family. all of us... she said she didn't want to forget anyone. she named people she hadn't seen in years. she didn't miss anyone.
before bed that night as i was saying goodnight to her she said to me.."dios te bendiga mi'jita". those were her last words to me. the next day she slipped into a coma. she took off her oxygen as she slept.
as i prepared to get on my flight i cried. i didn't want to see her like that anymore but it felt wrong to leave. when i left i went to my grandmother and kissed her on her forehead. i swear she tried to open her eyes.
when i got home my dad tells me that my maricusa died as my plane was taking off. she died in my mother's arms.
she was a good woman. always happy and with unshakable faith. she loved all of her family unconditionally and never held a grudge against anyone. she was so proud of us all. i hope i can be half the woman she was.
i miss her.
posted by Fea | 12:57 PM
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