i'm bored

i have nothing to do. I have no job and don't have to tutor today. so i'm home waiting for the boyfriend to get home so that we can do something. pick up his daughter and be happy family?? i'm so bored i'm becoming deluded.

looking forward to the heffalump movie. really i;m a huge pooh fan... cuz i still havn't grown up. cuz i really don't want to. thank god i can use the baby as an excuse to go see the movie. hehe..

swarthy seems to be the word of the week... as in us latinas.. swarthy motherfuckers. apparently the word means dark... i thought it meant icky dirty and stuff... see mala for more info.

i'm rambling - i know. hmmm.. i just realized how depressing my playlist is... right now it's chayanne(he's always depressing). sentada aqui en mi alma.. en mis ojos.. blah blah blah.. the video is him and his "daughter" going to his "wife's" grave.. depressing shit... thank god his cute butt makes up for the depression.

what else?? i'm going to el ecua on the 24th. not looking forward to it. my grandma being all bad it's not a happy occasion ya know?

now i'm listening to the depressing rosas by oreja...
now... tardes negras by tiziano ferro...

i sound like my buddy with the playlists and the rambling.

i need to get rid of my dog.. which reminds me that i have to call northshore to see if they'll take him... anybody want a 5 yr old shepard/collie mix? he's really cute... he's a good dog.. just needs more attention than i can offer him... c'mon... take him. TAKE HIM

oo my beau is here.. later

pregnant exes

my exes wife is pregnant. this is the woman he left me for. good for them... bad for me

see... i always knew that it would be easy for me to have kids... (i have polycystic ovaries... look it up). and after my ex had chemo and radiation for over a year we thought it would be impossible to have kids... but now i see that the reason i never got pregnant after 8 years of unprotected sex is cuz of me... not the chemo/radiated penis but my fucked up ovaries.

and there has been a huge amount of baby talk with my beau... not cuz we want one but because he terrified that we'll get one hell of a surprise. no, he doens't have anything to worry about. i don't want kids right now. i'm too young still... but i do want kids someday. and the thought that this may never happen is breaking my heart.

i guess i should be glad that i never had kids with that guy. maybe things happen for a reason and i shouldn't let this get me down... keep hope alive? i'll have kids when i'm ready even if it means adopting or just taking one from the maternity ward... i mean they are small packages... easy to get away with no?? hmm... yeah .. i'll worry about this when i'm baby ready... right now i have a trip to el ecua to plan.. so much shopping to do!!!

i hate waiting

i'm waiting at my student's house for her to get home so i can give her her lesson and be out. i want to just leave. not my fault she's not here right? i mean i was on time. i even called before i got on the train and told them exactly what time i was gonna be here... then when i get here i have to wait outside for about 20 minutes when one of the kids gets here... he calls his mother to see where his sister is and she calmly tells him that they are getting their nails done. i'm pissed. so why am i still here? cuz i'm an idiot pushover. i'm giving them till the end of this post to show up or i'm out of here. I HATE WAITING!!!!

oh they are home.. lucky bitch...
later
FEA

it's been a while

since i've written in this blog. not that anyone is complaining i'm sure.

let's see.. things are going well with the boyfriend. he met mala this weekend.. FINALLY. since i havn't been going out i made her come over to his place. i was feeling crappy so i didn't partake in the wine drinking.. :( she says he seems nice and he's cute (much to her relief cuz she didn't know what to expect)... but that he has a machista flair... and that i'm not my normal lunatic self around him... that i'm too reserved. i'm a lunatic around him... i am. i'm a lunatic around everyone!!! i think. arg

so i'm going to el ecua later this month to visit my ailing grandma. and i'm worried. cuz i have this feeling that when i get back i'll be single again. not that this fear is gonna keep me from doing this trip. i have to say goodbye to my abuelita. maybe it's cuz the last time the guy i was with went on a two week vacation he came back in love with his cousin. and the fact that i know my beau doesn't trust me... i'm thinking about it too much right? what will be will be no? arg...

now i dont' feel like writing... oh my boyfriend met my brother too... he's met most of my people. and when i go to el ecua he wants me to go meet his family.. isn't that gonna be weird without him? at least he wants me to meet his family right?