the grapevine

so as i was checking my email for the 10th time during my busy workday i come across an email from my ex. It was in the junk mail folder. a folder that i have the habit of checking because sometimes stuff gets lost in there that i need.

so the email says that he heard it through the grapevine that i was expecting and that he wishes me all the joy with my new baby... um thanks.

then he goes on to say that he's a father now too and that it's hard work but he enjoys it... then he attaches like 20 pics of his son.

this bothers me. not because he knows info about me because, although annoying, it's expected cuz we still have some mutual friends... it bothers me that he thought he had to email me. that he thought i was interested in his life. that we still needed to share things. i mean the kid's cute... but i didn't need to see him.

i'm not responding to the email because i just don't want to. there is no need. so i'll just leave it there in the junk folder. and the next time he sends me something and i see his name in the junk mail folder... i'll just leave it there unread... with the rest of the spam.

Happy Birthday Big Sister!!!!

this sunday my beau's first born will be 3 years old. So tomorrow we are picking her up super early to celebrate the big event with her. we weren't going to do anything big but then decided(my beau decided with a cousin of his even after i repeatedly asked if we were going to plan something for the child) that we would have a few close family members and friends gather around a yummy ice cream cake and sing happy birthday to her.

i have her present already.. it's this over sized dora the explorer pillow that's bigger than her.. she'll love it and my beau wants to get her a small piano and some puzzles and stuff. we even debated taking her to the toy store to pick out her stuff but then decided that she would run amok... which isnt always good.. then again it's her birthday she should be able to run amok.

i love this little girl. she's adorable. she understand that she has a little sibling on the way... she know her ñaña(o) is inside my belly. she talks into my stomach and waves hello and goodbye. She'll lift my shirt to see if she can see the baby. and then looks at her own belly and says "me too". then the disappointment in her eyes when i tell her only big girls can have babies.

so tonight when i get home i'm going to make some princess chocolate lollipops for her. so she can have some favors to give her guests. and hopefully she'll get cool gifts that i can play with too.. :)

on today's menu...

i'm having a falafel for lunch today. Just thought u should all know. it's yummy and crunchy and has no meat in it... cuz red meat makes me puke now.

my clothes no longer fit me. i'm wearing velour pants on my casual days at work... u know the ones with the stretchy waist band. my jeans refuse to close. having problems with some shirts too... my body is just expanding daily.

no falafel for lunch today. the place we were gonna order from has closed down..:( what do i eat now? i'm hungry.

thai or american?? we had american on tuesday... and chinese yesterday.. i can't choose... more restaurants need to open around here... for the baby's sake.

how does it feel?

yesterday when my beau got home from work he got into bed with me and put his hand on my growing belly. he waited hoping that he would feel our baby move. he finally did and then said. my baby is going to be a mommy soon... how does it feel?

it feels good. and at the same time terrifying. to think that in 20 weeks i'll have this little person to take care of. i can barely care for myself. and then there's the whole raising the kid right... i don't want him/her to be a bad person... or a psycho killer. i have to mold this person and it's pretty scary...

then there's another part of me that can't wait till i have a little me trailing behind me. to have someone that i can teach all the things my mom didn't teach me and i had to learn on my own. if my baby is a boy he'll be the perfect little gentleman. a girl ... kick ass like her mom and not take shit from anyone.

so i'm excited about the whole mom thing.. scared but happy.
so my answer last night was simply: It feels good.

For the record....

I'm a miserable pregnant woman. i complain about everything. but i'm uber happy about being a mom... and i'm happy with my man.. so everyone back off...

I like my current job and my co workers are pretty cool.. most of the time.

I hate ketchup and hope that my child has the same aversion to it that i do...

i'm not sure if that last sentence was gramatically correct nor do i really care...

my dislike of my job over the summer is in no way directly related to my boss. he happened to be nice.. wish i could say things have stayed the same...

i im with a coworker that sits a desk over all day... just because we can.

i'm so lazy that instead of going to the grocery store to buy a lemon i'm going to walk 4 blocks to my aunt's house so that i can take one of hers... that way i don't have to stand on line at the store or even pick the lemons out... come to think of it.. walking the 4 blocks?? screw the lemon...

i missed my parents while they went on their vacation and they are coming home today... i predict that by friday i'll be wanting them back in guayas...

i can leave work early today to get that lemon from my aunt's...
later

only the lonely

i think that's the name of the song... i could be wrong though. i always make shit up.

so i've been depressed and a little lonely lately. My beau is working nights recently and i don't really get to see him during the week. by the time he gets home i'm sleeping already. and this weekend he had to work double. so that means that i spent the weekend at home all by myself. it's ok i got a lot of much needed rest. but i'm lonely. i don't feel appreciated or like if anyone is concerned about me. i know he has to work but i believe there should be a balance. I mean... what about his family? what about me??