Ecuabella goes to school... almost

i'm struggling with the decision to put my little pirate in day care. i'm afraid someone is not going to care for her as well as my mom or me. i'm afraid that she's gonna run the teachers crazy and they'll call me and tell me my daughter is too wild. i'm afraid of the first day i drop her off and she cries as i leave. well let's face it we'll both cry.

but i think she needs other little people around her. so she can learn to share and socialize and maybe pick up a toy or two. and she wants to go to "school" so she can write and color. i know cuz i've asked her. i sat her down and we talked. it was a mostly one sided conversation that finally ended with her saying ok mami...leche chocowate. and then i gave her her chocolate milk and declared to my husband... i don't think i'm ready.

i called the day care center on thursday. the same center my brothers and i went to when we where children. they asked me how old she was. 2.5 yrs. they asked me if she was potty trained... i exagerated(lied?)... yes. then they told me i had to come down and apply but they didn't have any openings till september. whew!!! i have time to get ready. till then there's leche chocowate for us both.

Regrets

i have many regrets in my life. i wish i would've finished school. i wish i would've never gained the poundage i have now. but i think my deepest regret is not being a better friend to my friends. i'm a selfish person and i forget the people around me. i forget that other people have problems too and that the world - inexplicably - does not revolve around me. and it sucks that sometimes you realize these things when it's too late.

a few weeks back an old friend of mine died. i say an old friend not because we were friends for a long time... but because we were no longer friends. we had stopped talking to each other partly because i just didn't have the time to answer a phone call or return one. and now it's too late. and the guilt is getting to me. and of course then i get to thinking that this is just a way to make this all about me again.. and my guilt. when really it just proves how much i suck.

so does that mean i'm going to be a better friend to people around me?? i guess we just wait and see.... just don't wait by the phone... change takes time.