Reason #1
ok so that little ecua that pissed me off on saturday.. before the "lost time". we were dancing.. or at least i was dancing and he was just moving... and he says to me.. so ur from ecuador? i say yes... and after the normal what part blah blah blah.. he says. but u were born here no? si. ah entonces eres americana....WHAT??? i saw red. What is it about people that they want to label u american just cuz u have a blue passport instead of a green one (i think the ecua passport may be red now... don't know cuz para mi desgracia mine is blue). then it got worse. i tell him no i'm ecuadorian... i'm planning on moving back. and he says.. para que? que vas a hacer alla? mejor estas aqui. now hold up kid. u don't know me. u don't know the life i lead and the life i've led here in this country. i don't think anyone can understand what it means to be a 1st generation north american unless they have lived through it. the poor guy didn't know any better this is true. and it's not his fault that he didn't understand.. but it irked me anyways. it's pissed me off that he assumed that my life would be better here just cuz it's freakin' EEUU.
the truth... and many other latinos will agree... growing up i felt like i belonged no where... i was living this middle ground life were i was too "american" for el ecua and too ecua for "america". I went through an identity crisis as a young child... i held on to my supposed Italian ancestry to validate myself to the white folk. oh u don't look ecuadorian... oh that's cuz my grandfather was italian... but it was never enough. and when i spent those glorious summers in el ecua i was mona to the nth power... i ate my ecua food like a glutton... danced my cumbias and canciones rockeras... but it was never enough. i was neither here nor there. and i wasn't sure where or who i wanted to be. but i know now. i know that i always was too different for the vanilla world that the EEUU wants us to blend into. i don't mix well into that melting pot. i'm even getting tired of the bustle of NYC... i want a simpler life. where happiness doesn't come in the form of the dollar bill but out of the fact that ur just living and with people u love. i know that i will always be la gringa there. but they'll accept my gringness faster that the "americans" have accepted my ecuaness... 27 years and they still working on it. i want out of this freakin pot.. cuz se esta calentando mucho y no me quiero quemar... arg
the truth... and many other latinos will agree... growing up i felt like i belonged no where... i was living this middle ground life were i was too "american" for el ecua and too ecua for "america". I went through an identity crisis as a young child... i held on to my supposed Italian ancestry to validate myself to the white folk. oh u don't look ecuadorian... oh that's cuz my grandfather was italian... but it was never enough. and when i spent those glorious summers in el ecua i was mona to the nth power... i ate my ecua food like a glutton... danced my cumbias and canciones rockeras... but it was never enough. i was neither here nor there. and i wasn't sure where or who i wanted to be. but i know now. i know that i always was too different for the vanilla world that the EEUU wants us to blend into. i don't mix well into that melting pot. i'm even getting tired of the bustle of NYC... i want a simpler life. where happiness doesn't come in the form of the dollar bill but out of the fact that ur just living and with people u love. i know that i will always be la gringa there. but they'll accept my gringness faster that the "americans" have accepted my ecuaness... 27 years and they still working on it. i want out of this freakin pot.. cuz se esta calentando mucho y no me quiero quemar... arg
posted by Fea | 5:43 AM
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