Eternal spotless of the sunshine mind
It's 3am. and i'm crying. this movie has really fucked with my head. she says to him at the end.. i'll find u boring... it's how i am.. and he says ok. he says ok.. knowing that they are doomed somehow... that everything they were and will be has already been told... and he says ok anyways. why? hindsight is 20/20 and yeah u see all the bad that happened in a relationship... but if it really mattered... if it was worth it... u see the good. I see the good. when i remember him i see the good...as few as the good times were it's all i remember. i miss him. i miss laughing with him and being with him. i miss kissing him. i miss going to the movies with him. i miss talking to him everyday and i miss seeing him after work. i miss sleeping next to him and waking up in his arms.
i knew when i met him that it wouldn't work. I knew that he could never be mine...yet i stayed... i tried to make it work doomed as it may have been. and it was how i thought. we didnt' last. it wasn't meant to be.. yet if i could do it over again i would.. in a heartbeat i would...
people told me from the start that it was too soon... too fast and too intense. too much drama... and i stayed. Some say that i didn't really like/love him, but i did. i still do. i think of him everyday. i want to call him now. if he called me now(which he never will) i would melt and fall into it again.
he told me that he was hard to be with. that he led a complicated life and that in the end being together would be too hard.. and i said "ok". i said it because being with him for a little while was worth it. and even though i'm crying now and hurting...it was. i was happy damn it. i was.
Mala said after the movie.. u never really know...but u do. u know. and u do it anyways because u want to believe that u can make it work... u want to belive that somehow u can change them, you, whoever to make it work. and u give too much of yourself. u give too much and sacrifice too much. and in the end.. ur first instincts were right; but it's too late cuz u've fallen.
i think i'm still waiting for him to come back and find me so that i can say "ok" again.
it hurts.. i'm hurting. was it worth the pain? i don't know... would i do it again? ok.
i knew when i met him that it wouldn't work. I knew that he could never be mine...yet i stayed... i tried to make it work doomed as it may have been. and it was how i thought. we didnt' last. it wasn't meant to be.. yet if i could do it over again i would.. in a heartbeat i would...
people told me from the start that it was too soon... too fast and too intense. too much drama... and i stayed. Some say that i didn't really like/love him, but i did. i still do. i think of him everyday. i want to call him now. if he called me now(which he never will) i would melt and fall into it again.
he told me that he was hard to be with. that he led a complicated life and that in the end being together would be too hard.. and i said "ok". i said it because being with him for a little while was worth it. and even though i'm crying now and hurting...it was. i was happy damn it. i was.
Mala said after the movie.. u never really know...but u do. u know. and u do it anyways because u want to believe that u can make it work... u want to belive that somehow u can change them, you, whoever to make it work. and u give too much of yourself. u give too much and sacrifice too much. and in the end.. ur first instincts were right; but it's too late cuz u've fallen.
i think i'm still waiting for him to come back and find me so that i can say "ok" again.
it hurts.. i'm hurting. was it worth the pain? i don't know... would i do it again? ok.
posted by Fea | 3:18 AM
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