past entries revisited and a new conversation

no one can deny that my blog has a theme of sorts... it has evolved from a blog about crazy relationships with thoughtless men/boys to realizing that what i really wanted was to find that one man that made me "happy". that my desire to be alone was really my desire not to get hurt... again. and the attraction to "perfect except" men/boys was my own way of emphasizing that i should really be alone cuz all men suck. it's good to know that i'm not the only fucked up person. perhaps it's not the guys that were emotionally unavailable ... perhaps they didn't want to get hurt too.

i had this conversation with a friend. his dilemma was similar well not similar... but he had a conflict. his mind was telling him no but his heart was telling him to go for it. he then says to me... i just can't stand commitment. or maybe he even used the word i'm afraid of commitment... negative. remember... no one really wants to be alone. so i told him to follow his heart. and he did.. not because i told him too but because he had already made up his mind. love is not a thought process. it's an emotion that doesn't give a crap about what you think. so take that chance. what's the worse that can happen? it won't work? at least u tried.

and this whole i just wanna be happy thing isn't easy. love isn't easy. i think it was ms. rae in High School that told us love was WORK. hard work. there are times of happiness and there are times of well not happiness. so you work at it. and you try. and sometimes u get lucky. and that's happiness... finding someone u want to work for.